


Time in Lieu

by haldoor



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-27
Updated: 2013-03-30
Packaged: 2017-12-06 16:20:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haldoor/pseuds/haldoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Warnings/Spoilers:</b> Up to and including S3.01<br/><b>Disclaimer:</b> I don't own anything except my laptop!<br/><b>Beta:</b> <span class="ljuser i-ljuser"></span><a href="http://thtwzjustadream.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://thtwzjustadream.livejournal.com/"></a><b>thtwzjustadream</b> did an amazing job of picking up my slack; I owe her.<br/><b>Summary:</b> Chin's still grieving; the team and his job make it a little easier.  One night at Steve's, everything changes.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Most people probably know by now that as much as I adore Steve/Danny, I have a little bit of a thing for Steve/Chin. Malia's exit from the show brought this particular story forth from the depths of my ever-hopeful mind.

Everyone said he should take his time grieving, and no one was forcing anything on him, but the only thing keeping Chin anywhere near sane these days was work and the team. Steve, Danny and Kono all treated him the same as they ever had, even managing to crack a few jokes here and there, argue like they usually did, and keep him company when he needed to not be alone.

His family wasn't always so easy: aunties kept dropping food around and clucking over his not-so-immaculate-any-more house; his uncles and cousins would look at him sadly. Increasingly, Chin just avoided them, giving Auntie Kahu a key so any of them could come over when he wasn't home, since he knew he was not going to escape with any ease from their attempts to feed him and clean the house.

But Five-0? Well, they were his saviors, and Chin was thankful to have them and to spend time with them on a daily basis. As if they knew weekends were the worst, he'd often find himself invited to pick Kono up on a Saturday to go surfing – sometimes with Steve and/or Danny, sometimes without.

Sundays became the day they all gathered at Steve's for a barbecue lunch, or occasionally dinner instead. Sometimes there would just be the four of them; sometimes Kono would bring Adam, and Danny would bring Gabby or Grace. Cath showed up a few times, and even Max and Kamekona had been over a few times too. Occasionally, there would only be three of them: Chin, Steve, and either Danny or Kono; whoever wasn't otherwise busy.

But it was always good – easy – and while sometimes it left a melancholy taste in Chin's mouth as he drove home afterward, he was grateful not to be spending so much time alone reliving Malia's final moments and imagining what he could have done differently.

Today, unusually – and for the first time – it was just Steve and Chin, and although it could have been odd, somehow it wasn't. Chin was glad; he didn't want to have to go back to his eerily quiet house, and Steve looked like he needed the company as much as Chin did.

"Grab me another while you're there," Steve called out through the open back door from the lanai as Chin reached into the fridge for beer.

Chin pulled two cold ones out, twisted off the lids and headed back out to hand one over. Steve had just thrown the steaks on the grill and there was already salad in a covered bowl and a basket of bread on the table along with a couple of plates. Steve smiled his thanks at Chin and accepted the beer, studying Chin's eyes as he took his first sip from the fresh bottle.

"You got something on your mind?" Chin asked as he sat down, noting something unusual in Steve's eyes.

"No, nothing," Steve said, moving to sit in the chair next to Chin.

Chin didn't say anything else; if Steve wanted to talk, he would – when he was ready. Chin's question had just let him know he was ready to listen if that's what Steve needed. Taking another mouthful from his own beer, Chin swallowed appreciatively and gazed out across the water.

A warm silence descended as the two men sat companionably, and Chin took a deep breath, letting the clear air fill his lungs. It would never go away – the pain – but there was some truth in it getting easier as time passed. It hadn't been many months, after all, and as Uncle Kai always said, there was no timetable for grief.

Steve got up after a couple of minutes and flipped the steaks, and Chin swiveled his eyes to watch. Steve lowered his eyes, watching the steak cook, or thinking – or both – and his long eyelashes brushed his cheeks briefly before he turned his eyes to smile at Chin lopsidedly, a light flush appearing across his face.

Chin screwed up his face in amusement, managing a smile back at him, but neither spoke. It was comfortable this way with Steve as it would never quite be with Danny or even Kono, despite whatever it was behind Steve's uncharacteristic blush. Not that things weren't easy with the others here, but Danny didn't stay quiet for long and Kono… well, Kono was just his cuz and she knew a little bit too much sometimes.

"It's done," Steve announced, his eyes back on the food, and he waited while Chin got up to hand him plates before sliding a thick steak on each and handing one back.

Both men lowered themselves into the chairs at the table in almost complete synchronicity, both huffing in amusement as their eyes met.

"After you." Steve gestured at the salad and reached for a bread roll as he watched Chin help himself, then took the salad servers when Chin handed them off. "Mahalo."

"This is good," Chin managed after a mouthful, smiling around the meal. Food hadn't tasted of much for a while, but it was beginning to get its flavor back – if it wasn't roast chicken – now. "Your father's marinade?"

""Mmm," Steve affirmed, not pausing in chewing.

Chin nodded and continued to savor the whole experience in a way he couldn't remember doing for some time.

~//~

"You want more beer?" Steve asked from next to him on the couch, where they'd been watching some mindless action movie for the last forty-five minutes or so.

Chin waved a hand a couple of inches above the armrest. "I probably shouldn't. Won't be driving home if I do."

"You're welcome to stay." Steve's voice sounded warm and inviting, a touch of something that needed deciphering behind the words. "I can find you something to borrow for the morning; there are some of Dad's clothes here still. You're about the same size."

Chin flicked a look at Steve, gauging the honesty behind the words. It occurred to him as he studied the depth of hazel-blue eyes that Steve was probably lonelier than he was.

Chin nodded. "Thanks, brah."

"Any time."

Steve got up for the beer and was back in efficient seconds, handing the cool bottle over as he dropped into place where he'd been, his thigh comfortable against Chin's. It was odd that the contact didn't bother him, Chin thought, as Steve's arm stretched across the seatback behind him, almost like they were dating. He blinked, almost flinching away at the unusual thought, but stopping himself just in time.

Steve was relaxed about touching, openly and easily entering any member of the team's personal space without making it uncomfortable – this was nothing new. Chin couldn't understand his own reaction. Maybe it was part of the grief thing.

Chin managed a sideways look at Steve's face; he seemed miles away – his eyes on the TV screen, but he wasn't reacting to anything as if paying attention. Chin had never really been watching; he had no idea what the plot was – if there was one.

Biting at his lip, Chin thought about the grief Steve must have felt when he thought his mother had died; how finding out she was alive must have changed that emotion.

"Were you…" he started, unsure how to continue.

Steve turned towards him, squinting a little as he came back from wherever he'd been. "Hmm?"

Chin shook his head, dropping his eyes.

"Hey," Steve said, his voice low, and Chin looked at him again, licking his lips as he tried to decide what words to use. "Ask me anything; it's cool."

"You must have… mixed emotions over your mother showing up after all this time. I just wondered…"

"If I'd gotten over losing her? If knowing she'd been out there somewhere for twenty years had changed the way I remembered her?"

"Yeah, something like that."

Steve offered him a tight smile, shifting sideways on the couch a little so he could look at Chin more easily. Chin missed the warmth of his leg against his own and almost reached out to pull him back. He clenched his fist and lowered the hand to his thigh. Steve's eye followed the action and then he looked at Chin, curiosity in his gaze, but he didn't ask.

"I loved her then without reserve; I… won't say I love her the same way now, but there's something there. I can't just… turn it off. But there's a sense of betrayal too, of course. I don't know that I trust her. She left again, but she's still in Hawaii. I'm not supposed to know that, but it's closer than she was, and I don't know what that means."

There was more confusion in Steve's eyes than Chin could remember seeing before, even after all he'd been through before Doris's return. "That's understandable, Steve."

"It's… I…" Steve either didn't know what to say, or he couldn't find the right words to express it.

"It's a kind of grieving too, I guess."

Steve blinked, tilting his head to one side. When they came, Steve's words were soft and his eyes sad. "It's not like what you're going through, though. Malia… Malia was the love of your life."

Chin nodded. "I have answers though; you still don't have all the ones you'd like to have."

Steve shook his head, a slight frown marring his perfect brows, but he didn't answer. Chin felt the almost overwhelming urge to stroke across the creases the expression caused – to soothe it away – and lifted his hand before he'd thought about it, only pausing when Steve's eyes lifted again curiously to look at the fingers in front of his face.

Embarrassed, Chin lowered the hand. "Sorry."

Another headshake from Steve and then he was taking Chin's hand in his own. "Don't be sorry. There's nothing wrong with wanting to… connect."

It should have been awkward – there should have been something weird about the whole situation – but somehow it wasn't, and it didn't even surprise Chin when they both moved forward in perfect concert.

The kiss was warm and it sent a thrill of need right through Chin. He lifted his free hand and wrapped it around Steve's neck, shifting further forward without thought and deepening the kiss.

When they parted for air, Steve murmured into the narrow space between them, "Sorry. I shouldn't have…"

Chin cut him off with another kiss, lifting off the seat and straddling Steve's legs, letting go of the man's hand in favor of smoothing fingers across the taut muscles of Steve's arm and around his back. Steve made a small sound in the back of his throat, hesitating for a moment before finding Chin's hips with both broad hands.

It had been a long time since Chin had done anything like this, and he didn't know enough about Steve to judge, but Chin wanted it; needed the connection almost more than air right now.

When next he tore his lips away from Steve, needing oxygen at last, he saw his own want reflected back in Steve's eyes. He stroked at the tensed jaw, catching his breath before asking, "Upstairs?"

There was a moment when he actually thought Steve was going to refuse, but then he nodded, helping Chin move off him and stand. They made it to the bottom of the stairs before Chin pulled Steve back to him, kissing him thoroughly until Steve's hands wound around his back, pulling him closer and testing the depths of his mouth like he might never get the chance again.

"It's okay, Steve… there's time," he found himself panting against Steve's neck when Steve finally released him once more.

"You… you're sure? About this? About doing this now?" Steve managed, sounding strangled.

"I want it," Chin answered simply, and taking Steve's hand, backed up the stairs, leading him like Steve was the one who was lost.

~//~

Afterwards, in bed, Steve lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, relaxed in body but obviously not in mind. Chin lay curled against his side, one arm slung across the broad chest, a leg over Steve's and his chin against the man's shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked, his voice considerably lower than beforehand, just twenty-five minutes earlier.

"Yeah." Steve lowered his eyes from his inspection of the ceiling and smiled half-heartedly at Chin. "Sorry."

"You don't have to do that, you know."

"Do what?"

"Apologize. You did it downstairs too. I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be; if I didn't want to…"

"Do what we just did?" Steve cut him off like he didn't want to hear Chin verbalize it.

"Yeah. It's okay, Steve, really. It doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to. It was just…" Chin felt his heart drop at his own words, though it seemed Steve was trying to work out where they went from here, and that he probably wasn't sure how to let Chin down easily. "It was… like you said, a connection; something we both needed right now, yeah? We don't have to…"

"No, I… it's not that," Steve offered, bringing a hand up to rub Chin's arm. "I just… what do you want it to be?"

Chin kissed Steve's shoulder, feeling a shiver travel through him at the action. "I don't know, Steve. I'm certainly not asking for a lifetime commitment, if that's what you're thinking. Let's just… see where we're at in the morning?" He lifted his head and shifted closer, encouraging Steve to bring his lips nearer so they could kiss.

"Okay," Steve whispered afterward, turning and wrapping himself around Chin as he rolled over to become the small spoon.

It wasn't a familiar position for him, but tonight, it couldn't have felt more right.

~//~


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after Steve and Chin first sleep together neither one is sure how to act.

When he awoke, Chin was alone. He rolled, seeking the alarm clock, and widened his eyes at realization of the late hour. He'd normally be on his way to work by now. Last night with Steve had been the best sleep he could remember in months; he'd actually slept the whole night without waking once.

Pushing the bedding back, Chin caught a sheet of paper before it fell to the floor.

  
_Stay in bed as long as you want. I'm the boss and I'm giving you the day off. I'll call if we need you._

_Steve_  


There was a tiny 'x' after the name, something that could easily be mistaken for a blob, Chin thought, though he doubted Steve's neat penmanship ever suffered from such indelicacy. He smiled at it, and refolded the paper on its perfect angles before depositing it on the bedside table.

Maybe last night was a mistake, Chin thought, but he couldn't convince himself he hadn't craved it, nor that Steve didn't want it as much. Maybe there had been more between them before this, in all honesty; the exchanged looks he remembered now with the hindsight of last night's knowledge seemed more intense than they'd had the right to be.

Had Malia been the mistake, he allowed himself to wonder briefly, but then cast that thought aside. What they'd had was _real_. He'd loved her with all his heart; of that he had no doubt. 

Then what was this? A pity fuck for both of them? He didn't imagine for a second it had been Steve's sympathy alone that had made them do it, or his own disquiet in the face of loneliness; Steve had needed the comfort too - he was sure of it.

He lay there a while longer, letting his thoughts wander, and then blinked, realizing he hadn't felt the heavy hollowness that had started every morning since Malia was killed. He allowed himself a smile, and then pushed off the bed, huffing at the neatly folded pile of clothes left on a chair by the bed, and headed for the shower.

~//~

"Hey."

Chin turned in the direction of Steve's voice, smiling at the concern in his expressive eyes. "I'm good, Steve, and lying around any longer is just going to make me think too much." He glanced around the office. No sign of Kono or Danny. "We catch a case?"

Steve shook his head and pushed off the doorjamb he'd been leaning on, moving close enough to touch Chin but not doing so yet. "Kono's gone for coffee and Danny went to the dentist."

"Seriously?" Chin asked, pulling his head back in surprise. "He's been bitching about that tooth for weeks, determined not to give in."

"Yeah, his act about not being scared of the dentist was starting to wear thin. I threatened to drag him there bodily if he moaned about it aloud one more time. He saw sense at last. And it's been quiet."

Chin's grin widened. "You threatened him with your paperwork, didn't you?"

Steve's face split in a reflective smile. "You got me." He reached out a hand, patting Chin's arm lightly. "You really okay?"

Chin nodded, his smile tightening at the concern he could hear. "Honestly, I'm good. You?"

Steve's hand was still on his arm, and he slid it down, winding his fingers around Chin's as Chin stepped nearer. "Thank you," he said simply, squeezing the hand in his before dipping his head to kiss Chin lightly.

"Thank _you_ ," Chin offered back, squeezing in return.

"What for?" Steve asked, looking genuinely perplexed.

Chin took a deep breath, feeling emotion well up inside him. "You think I was doing _you_ the favor?"

"Weren't you?"

Chin met Steve's confused look, his brows drawing together tightly. He deliberately pitched his voice low. "You know I wasn't."

Steve swallowed hard, his eyes softening. He nodded, like speaking was too hard.

Kono chose that moment to walk back in, and Steve dropped Chin's hand like a hot brick and took a pace backward, his eyes widening, as she began speaking, oblivious to what she'd almost witnessed.

"They didn't have… oh hi, cuz. Thought you were having the day off? Everything okay?" She stopped in her tracks, frowning slightly as Chin nodded, her eyes tracking from him to Steve and back again.

"I'm good; just checking in. You know, in case there was something…" Chin trailed off, afraid to look at Steve, and just a little disappointed that Steve's first instinct was to hide. But he couldn't know how Chin would feel about Kono knowing – not this early on – and Chin had backed that up himself, so he could hardly talk.

"You should have called me; I'd have brought you coffee too."

Chin smiled at Kono. "It's okay. Steve says it's quiet. I think I'll… head home again." He flicked a glance at Steve, hoping the man got the message.

"You sure you're okay, cuz?" Kono asked, tilting her head questioningly.

"Yeah, I'm fine." 

"Go on, get outta here," Steve smiled lopsidedly, his equanimity restored enough to distract Kono from whatever she was wondering.

"Later." Chin smiled in gratitude and took off before Kono caught on to Steve's false confidence. 

~//~

Chin was sitting on Steve's lanai, iced tea in a tall glass on the table next to him when Steve returned.

"There's more of this in the fridge if you want some," he said over his shoulder as Steve appeared in the doorway behind him.

"Thanks." Steve disappeared briefly, and came to sit next to Chin with a glass of his own, smiling quickly before turning his eyes on the water rippling in front of them.

"You want to talk about it?" Chin asked, flicking a glance at Steve before focusing in the same direction.

Steve shook his head but didn't speak, taking a long drink, setting the glass down and then sighing softly.

"Don't you think we should?"

Steve frowned, turning towards Chin. "Can't we just... let it go?"

Turning to study Steve's eyes, Chin took a breath, his heart speeding up a little. "You want to forget it happened?" He wasn't sure it was what he wanted, but if Steve thought that way...

There was pain in Steve's eyes and he licked his lips, looking away for a few seconds before meeting Chin's eyes again. "I won't forget. I just don't know that it's something you want to remember. Malia…"

Chin cut him off with the chop of a hand. "It's got nothing to do with Malia. Yes, I loved her and I'm not about to forget her in any kind of a hurry, don't worry about that, but last night... it may not be what you expected from me, Steve, but it doesn't mean it was wrong or that _I_ want to forget it."

"You're not... you can't be thinking clearly." There was an odd edge to Steve's voice and he grabbed his drink, frowning at it intensely as he avoided Chin's eyes.

"Why? Because I'm still grieving? You think it was just about grief? About needing someone right then and there and that _anyone_ would do?" Chin's anger had built up quickly; how could Steve think that?

Steve looked up in surprise. "Are you saying it wasn't?"

"Of course it wasn't! What you said earlier, when you thought I slept with you out of pity, and I told you I didn't... did I really imply it was just because I needed it myself? It wasn't about that, Steve. Yeah, sure, we both needed something, but I think that something was comfort – a connection – you used that word; proof of life, if you will. Not pity. Never that; not with us." He shook his head emphatically.

"So..." Steve took a breath, doubt filling his eyes. "What are you saying? We just... carry on as if it didn't happen?"

"Is that what _you_ want?"

Steve's eyes dropped to the drink in his hand, and it was several drawn out seconds before he moved again. Chin's heart thumped, but he had to let Steve answer in his own time.

The word was barely more than breathed when it came, and Steve still couldn't meet his eyes, but Chin smiled all the same. "No."

"I don't either."

This time, Steve's eyes rose slowly and there was still uncertainty in them when he finally let them meet Chin's. "Are you saying... you want... I mean... you're not talking about…"

"Steve, I'm not sure about anything right now, but I can't believe you don't want more. I know I do."

"You do?" Hope shone in Steve's expression now, but it was like he didn't dare believe Chin's words meant what they seemed to.

Chin let his smile widen. "Yeah, I do."

~//~


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Other people start to realize something's going on between Chin and Steve.

Steve leaned down over Chin, kissing him softly, his hips undulating deliciously. They'd already gone one round tonight, but there was a distinct frisson of need spiraling out from deep inside Chin's belly, and he pulled Steve closer, rocking his own body in reply.

The sound of the doorbell echoed faintly through the open bedroom door and Steve pulled back, regret etched across his face. 

"Sorry; I'll have to get that." Moving off the bed, Steve shimmied into the sweatpants he'd dropped earlier and grabbed his nearby t-shirt, pulling it over his head as he left the room. At the door he turned back, smiling softly. "Hold that thought; I'll be back in a few." He pulled the door closed behind him and thumped softly down the stairs.

Chin shifted, stretching his arms out and clasping them behind his head as he listened, trying to decide who could be visiting Steve at this time on a Friday night. It wasn't late, and Chin could only hope they weren't intent on staying.

It had only been a couple of weeks since they'd first slept together and neither of them had said a lot about it since that conversation on the lanai the day after, but they'd spent most of their down time together since. Chin couldn't help wondering if someone had noticed, though he didn't think they'd been acting differently anywhere.

Curiosity got the better of him, and Chin got out of bed too, pulling on his shorts and silently opening the bedroom door. Holding his breath for a second, he started to distinguish the words floating up the stairwell.

"...hide it from me, Steve," Catherine was saying. "You're allowed to let loose sometimes, you know."

A shiver of guilt ran through Chin's body and he frowned. He hadn't thought about Catherine at all when they started this, and he wondered now whether Steve had.

"I know that, Cath." Steve's voice was soft, but full of emotion. "It's not that I wouldn't have said anything, but it's just... I wasn't sure if..."

"What aren't you sure about? If you like him and he likes you, what's the problem? He's not... married or something, is he?"

"No! No, he's... it's just... he lost someone and..." There was a pause, and Chin could imagine Steve licking his lips and dropping his eyes. Clearly discussing emotional situations wasn't easy for him, and Catherine's words could only mean she knew about Steve; knew exactly how things stood with him.

"Lost someone? You mean... they died? Oh, Steve... that's… " There was a pause, and then: "Wait... he's here now, isn't he?"

Again, Chin could picture Steve's expression and the slightly guilty nod. "Yeah."

"I should go; leave you alone. I didn't mean to interrupt anything. I just... I worry about you."

"I know, Cath, but you don't need to. This is fine; it's good. I don't know that it's... it's just, it's complicated... but I... I want to..."

Chin shook his head; he shouldn't be listening to this, and he and Steve really needed to talk about where they were going with their relationship, such that it was, but...

"What _do_ you want, Steve?" Catherine's voice was gently insistent. "This guy... are you sure _he's_ what you want?"

There was the sound of huffed out air and then Steve said, his voice growing increasingly strained, "I don't know. I don't even think he's… into guys all that much."

"Maybe that doesn't matter. He's obviously into you enough, or he wouldn't be here. "

"Look, I can't... I can't talk about this, Cath. Thank you for your concern; you know I appreciate it, but I need to..."

"It's okay, Steve. I should go, anyway. We'll talk again soon."

"Cath..."

"Go, have fun. Call me tomorrow." There was the sound of the door opening and it was quiet for a few moments. "And Steve… you don't have to feel guilty, okay?"

"Maybe. See you, Cath."

More silence and then the sound of what could have been a kiss, before Chin heard footsteps and the door closing. He shut the bedroom door gently and made his way quietly back to the bed, shucking his shorts and finding the warm spot he'd abandoned earlier as he waited for Steve to return. There was a lot to think about in what he'd overheard, and Chin couldn't help wondering what, if anything, Steve would say about any of it.

A few minutes later Steve reappeared and, ditching the clothes he'd pulled on, slid back into bed beside Chin.

"Everything okay?" Chin asked, reluctant to give away the fact he'd listened in.

"Yeah, fine. Just a neighbor." Steve shifted closer, kissing Chin. "Where were we?"

Chin let it go and kissed Steve back. He wasn’t sure he had the right to push.

~//~

A few days later the team gathered early around the tech table to discuss a cold case they'd been asked to look into. The case had sat on the back burner a while, but Steve had an idea and thought it was worth pursuing.

"That picture you took at the vic's house yesterday, Chin? The one by the back door? Can you put it up on the screen; there was something about it that's been bugging me."

Chin reached for his phone. He hadn't e-mailed it through yet as he and Steve had gone straight to Steve's house from the scene, and although Steve had looked at the picture briefly when they were discussing possible options over dinner, they'd been distracted after that.

His phone wasn't in his pocket and Chin frowned. "Must have left my phone at your place last night," he said without thinking, lifting his eyes to meet Steve's and blinking in shock at the expression he was seeing. From there, he flicked quick glances first at Kono and then Danny, who were both staring at him in question.

"You know, when I dropped you off and came in for that beer..." he tried, though it was obvious from the sudden tension in the air that Kono and Danny had both picked up there was way more to him being at Steve's last night than that.

"I... umm... didn't see it," Steve got out, sounding less than confident. His eyes held fear and disappointment – the former not something Chin was used to seeing there, and the latter not something he _wanted_ to see.

Danny looked at Steve and then at Chin, opening his mouth like he was going to ask something.

Chin backed away from the table, aiming an apologetic look in Steve's direction as he spun and took off out the door.

"What the...?" he heard Danny ask as he left, clattering down the stairs like if he could only run fast enough the whole thing would disappear behind him like so much smoke.

"Chin... Chin!" Kono was calling as she followed him, but he didn't stop to answer till he was outside, gulping in fresh air desperately.

How could he have done that? While what Chin had said might not have seemed a huge giveaway, Steve's reaction to the thoughtless words was. They'd been so careful until now. They hadn't discussed what was between them, but it had been implicit that they wouldn't give away to the others what was going on. Chin knew he and Steve needed to talk; needed to work out exactly where they were taking this – _if_ they were taking it anywhere – but he'd been procrastinating on actually having the 'talk' just as happily as Steve had.

"Chin?" Kono's voice was softer now, and she was right beside him, touching his shoulder gently.

He turned to face her, taking in her questioning look but unable to get any words of his own out.

"What's going on? What was that about?"

Chin swallowed hard, dropping his eyes away as he felt his face heat up. "It was nothing, Kono. I just... I was over at Steve's briefly last night. I must have got the phone out to show him the picture and... put it down. I guess I didn't pick it up again before I left."

"And he looked at you like you'd just announced something terrible to Danny and me, and then you ran off like the hounds of hell were after you because of ' _nothing_ '?" 

He managed to look at her again. "Look, Kono, I shouldn't... this is... it's complicated, okay?"

Kono raised an eyebrow, her expression sympathetic. "When is it ever not? You want to walk?"

"Yeah, okay." He nodded and they fell into step, moving slowly along the sidewalk. Talking about it wasn't going to be easy, but this was _Kono_ and she always had his back. It would be easier not looking at her, no matter how much she understood. "Steve and I... since Malia... it hasn't been that long and we haven't even talked about it."

"Figures. When do you guys ever manage to talk about the important stuff?"

Chin huffed, flicking her a quick look. There wasn't any point in saying he'd managed pretty well at talking with Malia - eventually.

"Yeah, yeah. And I shouldn't have run away just now, but... I could see how much he didn't want things out in the open. And I almost felt like the other woman. Danny and Steve..."

"There's nothing going on between them, is there?" Kono asked like she actually thought there might be.

"No, nothing like that. I just mean... they're close. Everyone accuses them of being married, you know? They do act that way sometimes, but they're not actually sleeping together as far as I know."

"But you and Steve are?"

He hesitated a moment, his heart thumping hard. Was there any point in denying it? 

"Yeah."

Kono didn't say anything, and they kept walking. After a few steps in total silence he stopped, turning to face her directly. "It wasn't planned and it hasn't been going on very long. We both needed someone – something – you know? I don't... Look, I doubt it's going anywhere... I just..." He trailed off, unable to explain.

She shook her head softly, reaching for both of his hands and squeezing them lightly. "It's okay, cuz; really, it is. You don't have to explain it to me."

He looked at her, squeezing her hands back and then letting them go. 

"It seems too soon in some ways. I mean, it's only been a few months since Malia, but I... and this? I mean, another guy? I don't even understand it myself. Steve's just... I think he..." He paused, but she waited for him, not diving in with some kind of empty platitude, for which he was grateful. "I probably shouldn't tell you this... but... for him it's not new, I don't think. With another guy, I mean. I'm not sure he wants people to know."

"Does it matter?" Kono asked. "Any of it? He's our boss, so it's kinda... I can see it being frowned upon, but Five-0 has its own rules anyway. As long as you're both still doing the job... and I can't see that you haven't been, until this came up today. And that's not to say the relationship is interfering with the job either, as far as I see it. _This_ was just because Danny and I didn't know, right?" Her voice softened, and there was no reproach when she went on. "You could have told me, you know."

"I'm sorry, Kono. I just... I didn't think Steve was ready. Maybe I wasn't either. I feel guilty."

"You don't have to. Not with me. I totally get it." She grinned suddenly. "Steve's hot, cuz. You chose well."

"Stop that!" But he was laughing too for a moment, embarrassed and perhaps more than a little warmed by her easy acceptance. He smiled at her, and then frowned, seriousness returning. "I don't know how Danny's going to take it. And Steve... he... I don't think he's going to be too happy that I let it out. We haven't even... I don't..." He ran a hand over his hair, turning away, worried about Steve's likely reaction.

"Hey," Kono smiled, taking one of his hands and turning them back in the direction of HQ. "I'm with you, cuz, and I can't imagine Danny's going to turn on Steve. It's gonna be okay. They've had time to talk now; we should go back."

Chin's heart thumped hard again, but he knew she was right. Running away wasn't going to solve anything. 

~//~ 

By the time they reached the door to the Palace, Steve and Danny were on their way out. Neither said anything about what had happened although Danny gave Chin a curious look before Steve started talking. Steve was all business, like nothing had happened.

"Danny and I are going back to the vic's since you weren't able to get the picture here, Chin." He didn't sound annoyed for any lost time it may have caused them. "I have a feeling we missed something, and I want to figure out what it is. Kono, can you go through the transcript of the witness interview and see if there's anything that you think they didn't ask him. You could go and see him again too; maybe you'll jog his memory. It may be a cold case, but a year isn't as bad as some. Chin?"

Chin took his cue from Steve's manner. 

"Yes, boss?"

"The car the witness saw; he said one of the tail-lights was out. I can't see anything on file about anyone following that up. I know a 'dark blue Ford' could cover half the island's vehicles, but see if you can tie that into anyone being stopped for having a light out on the night of the murder. Let me know if you find anything."

"On it," Chin affirmed, following Kono up the stairs as Steve and Danny headed for the Camaro. He glanced back towards them, but neither Steve nor Danny was looking in his direction.

In the office, Kono smiled at him encouragingly as she went in search of the transcript. "He's nothing if not professional, Chin. That's not a bad thing, but…"

He waved her concern away. "I know, Kono. I'll talk with him later." He took a deep breath and pushed his own worry down inside himself in favor of pulling up the details on the car and getting to work.

~//~


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chin and Steve haven't really talked since the office incident; it's been too hectic. The case has finally closed and they get some time alone, but there are ghosts to deal with too.

Chin was exhausted; they all were. The leads they'd followed up had turned into a bigger case than any of them suspected, and all of it had led from Steve's instinct that 'something's been missed'. He was a lot like his father as far as police work was concerned, Chin mused as he drove home after the case was wrapped: instinctive, intuitive and dogged once he got his teeth into something.

It had been a grueling three days, but they finally had things closed off and all the paperwork done. There hadn't been time for anything personal beyond rapidly gulped meals and the barest amount of sleep in between chasing up leads and taking the perps down. And as always seemed to be the case with Five-0, the climactic ending to the whole thing involved a car chase, hails of bullets, two people running in different directions and Steve taking one of them down with a cross between sheer determination and brute force, while Chin and Danny cornered the other and he actually conceded defeat before they copied their boss.

The bruise on Steve's jaw and the blood running into his eye from a cut at his hairline were nothing worse than usual, although Chin was fairly certain he was going to be tender in other parts of his body after the way the perp had kicked out at his gut and his thigh, but he wasn't going to worry any more than normal; he'd leave that to Danny, who had still been berating Steve's methods as loudly as ever when Chin had left the office.

Steve had told them they were done and could leave when they wanted; Chin and Kono had taken up the offer as soon as humanly possible, not wanting to get caught up in Danny's venting. Besides, Chin thought to himself as he pulled into his own driveway, Steve hadn't shown any signs of wanting to talk to Chin alone in the last three days. And he knew where to find him if he did. All Chin wanted was to sleep for about the next five years; probably the same thing the whole team wanted right now.

Chin had made it inside, showered and changed and was just reheating food in the microwave when the doorbell sounded. Chin frowned, sure it was one of the aunties come to force him to eat something better than a TV dinner. He headed for the door, pulling it open with a pasted-on smile and preparing to explain how he was doing just fine.

His smile froze when he saw Steve standing there, still in the same cargo pants and t-shirt he'd been wearing all day. A smudged trickle of blood ran along the now-butterfly stitched cut on his forehead, still showing despite the EMT's best efforts to clean it up. His expression was way more somber than Chin was ready to deal with. 

"I didn't tell him."

Chin supposed he shouldn't be surprised. "You'd better come in." 

He led the way to the kitchen, grabbing a couple of bowls from the cupboard as the microwave dinged. Without asking, he ladled half of the meal into each bowl and pushed one across the counter top towards where Steve was standing at the breakfast bar, then reached for chopsticks and handed one set over.

Steve nodded his thanks and moved a stool closer to where Chin stood. They both sat down and began eating without another word. There were a lot of questions Chin wanted to ask, but he was hungry, and guessed that Steve probably wouldn't eat if he started asking them now.

They'd finished their bowls in about half the time Chin usually took to savor his food before either spoke. Chin stood up and opened the fridge, pulling out fruit juice and some pineapple. Uncovering the fruit, he placed it on the counter between them, and then poured them each a glass of juice.

"I should have told him. I know that," Steve said continuing on as if there hadn't been a pause in the conversation, and reached for his glass. "I just... I couldn't. I didn't know..." His voice trailed off and he lifted his downcast eyes to meet Chin's at last.

The fear was evident even though Steve was doing his best to be stoic. Chin frowned, uncertain where the worry was coming from.

"Do you think he'd disapprove?"

"No!" Steve gulped from the glass, his eyes flicking around the room. He put the glass down hard, sloshing the drink as he scowled at Chin and shook his head. "No," he said again, more softly. "It's not that. I just wasn't sure there was anything to tell."

Chin swallowed from his own glass, putting it down more carefully and reaching for a piece of pineapple before indicating for Steve to do the same. "We haven't really talked; we probably should." 

It stung somehow that Steve would think there was nothing to tell, though it wasn't like Chin had given him reason to think the 'relationship' was anything beyond good sex and easy comfort in a time of mutual need.

Steve nodded and picked up a piece of pineapple too, though neither one took a bite yet. "I'm sorry if I..." Steve started.

At the same time, Chin said, "It's not like we..."

They both stopped, smiling uneasily at each other. "Go ahead." Chin gestured, and slipped the pineapple into his mouth, his heart thumping despite his attempt to appear relaxed.

Steve looked at the fruit in his hand, and then met Chin's eyes again. His frown had lessened, but there was still a crease between his eyes; the same one Chin had wanted to smooth out a few weeks ago.

"I didn't mean to hide it, Chin. I mean... this isn't easy for me. Not that I'm suggesting it is for you, but I... it's not the first time I've..." He swallowed hard, looked away, then back again. "I did this once before with... with a guy."

"Steve... it doesn't matter to me about…"

"No, let me finish, please?" Steve finally bit into the pineapple, swallowing quickly and then going on, his cheeks flushing slightly. "You probably realized I'm not exactly straight, Chin; it's not like I was fumbling in bed. But I didn't mean that." 

"Okay." Chin nodded, waiting for him to go on.

"I've been with both men and women in the past. Catherine and I have... an understanding, I guess you'd say, but I meant... I meant that this isn't the first time I've been involved with a straight guy." He met Chin's eyes cautiously and licked his lips. "It didn't turn out so well."

Chin looked away first, uncomfortable, but then had to look back. "You have every reason to be careful, I get that. But, Steve, it's not my first time with another man either. It's been a while for me, but I had this... friend... some years back, and we... well, things got pretty hot and heavy for a while. I thought it was just sex until..." He had to stop for a moment, but Steve didn't interrupt. "He met someone else, and I kind of realized... that I wanted more. But he wasn't interested and... he's married now; very happily as it happens.

"I got over it; had to, really. And then I started seeing a woman and I just didn't go there again. But it doesn't mean... I can't."

Steve nodded, looking serious, and then gulped down a mouthful of juice before speaking. "Are you saying you want to?"

Chin swallowed, dropping his eyes. He searched inside his head and found the right answer; an answer he hadn't even been sure of until now. Flicking his eyes upward, he tried for a smile, his heart thumping nervously. 

"Yeah."

Steve didn't say anything for a moment, and Chin could hear his heartbeat so loudly it was like Steve should have been able to as well. He looked away again; sure that Steve was going to say he couldn't risk it. And then Steve nodded, slowly, more like he was thinking things through than in agreement to Chin's words. 

Chin managed to look back at him properly, although he was sure his confusion and fear must be evident.

Opening his mouth, Steve got out a word so quietly that Chin didn't hear it. 

"Sorry?"

"Yes," Steve offered more loudly, his reluctance obvious. "I want that too."

"Are you sure?" came out before Chin could stop it, because Steve's manner seemed so at odds with the words.

"I'm... I don't..." Steve stopped speaking and stood up, moving across to the window and rubbing the back of his head. "I'm just so damned tired."

"Yeah. You should go home and sleep." Chin stood up too, putting the plate of pineapple back in the fridge, moving the glasses to the sink and wiping down the counter for something to do with his hands. "We can talk again when we've both had some sleep. Now probably isn't the best time to be making these kinds of decisions."

Steve turned back from the window and looked at Chin for a moment before stepping closer. It was like he wanted to say something but didn't know how to ask. 

Chin narrowed his eyes, trying to understand. "Do you want...?"

He didn't even get the whole sentence out before Steve was kissing him, wrapping one hand around his neck and digging under his shirt with the other. 

Chin hesitated on the threshold of his bedroom, half-caught in Steve's embrace, guilt rising through him like mist, dampening his ardor. 

Steve stiffened, peering over his shoulder at the bed and then turning to Chin, a worried frown on his face. "Maybe it's too soon for this…"

They hadn’t slept together here yet, and although Malia had barely been out of Chin's head except when he was in Steve's arms, he knew he'd have to face this at some point if they continued to see each other.

"No, I… I just… I hadn't thought about you and me in Malia's bed before. It's okay, Steve, really."

But Steve had pulled away, and was scratching idly at the butterfly bandage on his forehead, wincing as he did so, and then eyeing the bed like Malia was still lying in it. He looked exhausted. "I should at least shower."

Chin managed a smile. "Yeah. And maybe we should just… sleep?"

Steve nodded, a shy smile forming, like the idea appealed way more than sex right now. 

"Let me find you a towel." Chin moved out of the room and opened the linen closet in the hall, choosing a big fluffy towel that he couldn't remember ever seeing Malia use, and handed it to Steve. "Come to bed when you're ready."

Searching Chin's eyes carefully – maybe to establish that the offer didn't hold a lie – Steve finally nodded again, giving him a brief smile, and disappeared into the bathroom.

Chin blinked after him, taking a deep breath and running a hand over his hair. It felt odd to be inviting someone into the room he'd shared with Malia, but he couldn't feel guilty forever. It wasn't like she'd be coming back, and of all the people he could be sleeping there with, Steve was perhaps more fitting than many, no matter how unexpected this 'thing' between them was. 

He pulled his shirt off as he made his way into the room, picturing Malia and hoping she understood as he slipped his sweats off and settled between the sheets.

He'd barely gotten comfortable when Steve appeared again, naked and rubbing roughly at his hair before folding the towel carefully and hanging it over a chair. He smiled lopsidedly at Chin and sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching for him with one hand and then letting it drop back.

"You sure you want me to stay?"

"Of course. You look exhausted, Steve, and I am too. Sleep will be good for both of us. If that's what you want."

A tired nod and a careful look from hazel-blue eyes said they'd be lucky if he stayed awake long enough to do much more anyway.

"Come on," Chin encouraged, shifting over so that Steve could climb in next to him. 

Sighing gratefully, Steve lay down on his side, facing away from Chin, and glanced over his shoulder. Chin huffed a gentle laugh and leaned closer, kissing Steve's shoulder. Steve smiled more warmly and turned over, drawing Chin into his arms and kissing him properly.

"Thanks. I could sleep for a week."

Chin settled closer, feeling less guilty already. "You don't have to thank me; I want you here."

There was a vague 'mmm' in response and Chin realized Steve was already fading into sleep. 

Chin kissed the spot just south of Steve’s lips and closed his own eyes.

~//~


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get a little easier between Steve & Chin, and now things are settling down, Steve tells Danny about them. Later, Danny and Chin have a little heart to heart.

A sense of peace filled Chin as he opened his eyes. The smell of coffee didn't hurt either, he thought as he smiled sleepily, Steve's fond expression looking down at him from the side of the bed. 

"Hey."

"Hey yourself. Made you coffee."

Chin took in the steaming mug on the nightstand and Steve's damp hair. "Thank you. You've been up a while?"

"Put the coffee on and went for a swim. Been watching you sleep."

Chin shifted to sitting, self-consciously dropping his eyes, and licking his lips carefully. "How... how long?"

Steve reached out a hand, tipping his chin like a child to make Chin meet his eyes, then let go again as if he'd realized it wasn't what one man did to another. "Don't be embarrassed. About five minutes – you sleeping, that is. I thought maybe there would still be bad dreams, but... you seemed peaceful..." 

Steve hesitated and Chin turned to reach for the coffee, unable to keep looking at him.

"You're beautiful."

Chin looked back at him in stunned surprise at the compliment, and abandoned the coffee. Steve looked away, his discomfort obvious, and stood up from where he'd been sitting on the bed near Chin.

They both spoke at once, words colliding in the middle of the room.

"You don't have to... "

"It's okay, Chin. I shouldn't..."

The confused awkwardness about how to behave with whatever it was they had together seemed to have them both thrown. Chin took his courage in his hands. "Stay. Don't go just because we don't know how to do this."

Steve looked at him, his unease evident, but he nodded. Chin gestured for him to sit down again, and to his relief, Steve did.

"I'm sorry; I'm just not used to this," Steve said, indicating the two of them with a hand. "The last time I was in a real relationship with someone was years ago."

Chin grinned, hoping to relieve the tension. "I kinda figured. There are no rules, Steve." Steve's answering smile sent warmth through Chin and he reached out a hand, resting it over Steve's. "I'm not used to being called beautiful, but it's not that I didn't like it, okay?"

"Okay." Steve still wasn't quite meeting his eyes, but the smile was there, and he turned his hand to take Chin's in it. "I want this, Chin; just so you know."

"But?"

Steve's eyes shot to find his properly this time as he played with Chin's hand restively. 

"You knew there was a 'but' coming?" Steve asked.

"Isn't there always?"

"It's Danny."

Chin frowned. "How so?"

"I don't know how to tell him."

"You think it'll be a problem?"

"I honestly don't know. But I should tell him, shouldn't I?"

There was worry deeply embedded in Steve's eyes and Chin wanted to help ease it however he could. "He should know, yeah. He'd be upset if he found out elsewhere. Do you want me to talk to him?"

Steve shook his head. "No, I should be the one to tell him. No more putting it off; not now I know where we're going."

"You okay with that? Where we're going?"

Steve's smile was unsteady, but definitely there. He clasped Chin's hand tighter for a moment, and then leaned in to kiss him lightly.

"Oh yeah. This is what I want." He searched Chin's eyes as if afraid to believe it. "You do too, don't you?"

"I do." Chin was certain now, no matter how confused he'd been yesterday.

"I think I'll go over there now. Bite the bullet. What's the worst that can happen?"

Steve didn't expect an answer, but Chin was fairly sure the same thought hovered in the back of both of their minds: he'll hate it. He wasn't about to say it aloud though, and just smiled and reached for the coffee mug as Steve said his goodbyes.

~//~  
 _Is Steve still there?_

The text surprised Chin. He frowned at his phone before typing in a reply to Kono's question.

_How did you know he'd been here? Left a while back to do a few things at his place._

It was mid-morning, the day after Steve had told Danny about them. He'd come back to Chin’s after that conversation, and Chin was pleasantly surprised with how well it had gone. Steve had spent the rest of the day – and a very erotic and satisfying night – with Chin. He'd left again that morning after breakfast, saying he had things he needed to do at home. Going by the look in his eye, the 'things' included talking to Catherine – who both of them had conveniently ignored in all this so far – though Chin didn't ask and Steve didn't confirm it. He hadn't said anything about what he'd overheard between Steve and Cath that night some time ago, and Steve hadn't told him any more about his relationship with her either, but there had to be things they needed to talk about.

He and Steve had parted with an embrace that reassured Chin they were doing the right thing, and he was feeling relaxed and happy about some quiet time alone for the first time in months. And Steve's parting words of _'I'll be back in a couple of hours'_ had added to Chin's overall feeling of well-being.

_Come on, cuz! I know things r going well. He told D._ Kono's text made him picture her dimpling a smile at him.

Chin managed a smile himself as he typed back: _You spoke to D? He seem ok with it?_

Barely a few seconds passed before her answer came back: _Of course! But be prepared 4 'hurt my buddy & I kill u' speech. He's coming yr way soon_

_Think I can deal with the speech. You giving one to Steve?_

_On my way to deliver it now! Good luck with D. xxx_

Chin huffed at her concerned protectiveness and sighed a breath of relief. Danny had been a lot less of a worry than either he or Steve had been thinking – he'd guessed about Chin as soon as Steve had admitted his sexuality, apparently. Chin wasn't surprised after the incident with his phone the other week; Danny would have to be stupid not to have seen something in that.

Ten minutes later Chin was tidying away breakfast things in the kitchen when a knock on the door signaled Danny's arrival. Despite what Steve had told him about Danny's acceptance, Chin felt nervous as he went to answer it. Danny and Steve were close; there was bound to be some measure of wariness in accepting his best friend had a male lover – and that the other guy involved was someone Danny knew and considered as 'straight' – no matter how well they all thought they knew each other.

Danny furrowed his brow, looking up at Chin with a reined-in smile. "You surprise me," was all he offered as Chin shrugged guiltily and gestured him inside.

"I surprise myself," Chin told him, leading him through to the kitchen. "You want coffee?"

"Please."

"Steve didn't surprise you, though?" Chin couldn't help asking, offering Danny a quick look as he found cups and poured the coffee.

Danny huffed, licking his lips carefully before accepting the cup Chin held out to him. "Not as much as he thought he was going to, I suspect. It's not that I had him figured out exactly, but his relationship with Cath... I don't know." He smiled at Chin, took a sip from his coffee and let Chin lead him out onto the lanai.

They both sat down, looking out over the view without speaking for a few minutes. Chin could see Danny turn to look at him, and he hesitated, drinking from his own coffee before meeting Danny's eyes.

"So, Steve is not your first... uh, man?"

Chin let out a low sound, not quite a laugh. "No, he's not, but you'd be excused for thinking so. It's been a while since I was involved with one. Labels are... pointless, I suppose. But If I had to use one, I guess I've always identified as straight. It's just... sometimes... sometimes you feel something and it's not necessarily related to gender, you know?"

Danny nodded, looking away, and Chin frowned, wondering if he understood.

"I don't really have any right to make comments about it," Danny said quietly, still not looking at Chin, "but I care about you – I consider you both good friends – and I only want what's best for you both. I have to ask..." He looked up now, meeting Chin's eyes with wary concern. "Are you really sure about this?"

It wasn't hard to understand where Danny was coming from: Malia had been the 'love of his life' and it hadn't been long since her passing. As for Steve, he had lost his father, rediscovered his mother after a twenty-year absence, been in prison for a murder he didn't commit, and tortured by a man who possibly had connections to his still largely-unknown mother. It was a lot to deal with, and maybe neither of them was making sensible decisions.

"You mean in general, or right now?"

"You've both had a lot going on recently. What happens if it doesn't work? Do you think you can be objective enough to continue working together without... without the fallout affecting the team?"

Chin shook his head, but not in answer to the question; it was more that Danny felt the need to ask. 

"Look, Danny, we're both professionals and I think we know the risks. I know you care about Steve and I get that you don't want to see him hurt any more than he has been recently, but you have to know that I don't want that either."

Danny let out a long, low breath of air, dropping his eyes away. 

"I don't doubt that, but…"

"I'm still grieving? I can't make sensible choices when I'm still so... vulnerable? Or do you mean to suggest he's taking advantage of me? What happens if _he_ changes his mind? Would you be as concerned if it went that way?"

There was a long silence as Danny turned his head away completely, and Chin wondered how close to the mark he’d hit with his words.

"I get it, Danny," Chin said, unwilling to let things stretch any further, sure now that Danny wasn't as easily accepting as he'd made Steve believe. "You think that because I was married to Malia, _I'm_ the one who's going to give up on the relationship; I'm going to cause your best friend grief he doesn't deserve."

The truth of Chin's supposition was written in Danny's eyes when he finally looked back at Chin.

"I should have just said 'if you hurt him, I'll kill you', shouldn't I?"

"I got the message, Danny, don't worry. Hurting Steve is the last thing on my mind. I know it's probably difficult to understand, but right now... this is what we both need and want. If it doesn't last forever, well, it doesn't. But there are no rulebooks for relationships – or for sexuality – that say two people who connect in times of trouble have to disconnect again. Just because I was only with women for a long time before doesn't mean I can't do this with Steve for... for the rest of our lives, if that's how it goes. Maybe... maybe it's more right than anything else. I don't know... I honestly don't, but I'm not going to throw it away just because it _might_ fail."

"We regret the things we don't do, not those that we do?" Danny's expression was thoughtful rather than unconvinced.

"Yeah, something like that. You can understand that, can't you?"

Danny nodded, sipped from his coffee, and offered Chin a careful smile. "I'm not against same-sex relationships, just so you know. My sister's husband has a gay brother who's been in a loving relationship for over ten years; he and his partner are good guys, the sort of men homosexuals need as role models, and for what it's worth, an accepted part of my extended family. But I haven't had much to do with bisexuality and I can't help having doubts about it; about how it affects people's actions. All the same... love, respect, and caring... well, they can be there, regardless of whether you're sleeping with someone."

"You love Steve." It wasn't a question.

Danny frowned, eyeing Chin uneasily as a slight flush crossed his features. "I have no interest in him sexually, but... he's my best friend, so yeah, I do."

"He's a grown man, Danny, and he didn't make this choice any more lightly than I did. We both know what we're getting into, and we're prepared to take the knocks. But knowing he's got you to lean on if it doesn't work out..." Chin put a hand on Danny's shoulder and squeezed lightly. "That's a relief to me, whether you believe it or not. I should be so lucky to have such a good buddy, although I have family instead; Kono would never let me fall too far." He let go of Danny and wrapped his hands around his coffee mug. "Let's just... see where it goes, huh?

"Where what goes?" Steve's voice sounded loud as he rounded the house, and Chin and Danny both sat upright, turning to face his grim expression in concern. 

Chin and Danny exchanged a quick look, confirming that they'd both seen the same hurt in Steve's eyes.

Danny stood up, looking from one to the other awkwardly. "I should go. You probably need to talk."

Steve nodded, crossing his arms across his chest and staring into space, obviously distracted. For a second, Chin considered suggesting Danny should be the one to find out what was wrong, but a quick flick of those steely eyes said this wasn't one his straight best friend was armed to discuss.

"I'll see you out," Chin offered, standing up, but Danny waved the offer away.

"I know where the door is. Thanks for the coffee and the talk." 

Danny gave Steve one last look that Chin wasn't sure he understood, and left.

~//~


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's talked to Catherine, but it didn't go so well; Chin tries to offer support and advice, but he's worried this could end things before they really get started.

Steve's expression didn't change when Danny was gone. Chin furrowed his own brow in sympathy and moved closer to where Steve was still looking out past the view, into whatever vision was upsetting him. 

"You want something to drink," Chin offered, trying to get his attention. "Coffee, tea; something stronger?"

Steve finally blinked and looked at Chin; he seemed almost surprised that he was still there. He shook his head, and rubbed a thumb across his lip in a way that he probably had no idea was extremely erotic. Chin had to focus on the man's eyes to stop himself from responding in a wholly inappropriate way, considering the pain Steve appeared to be in. 

"I talked to Catherine," Steve got out, a catch in his voice.

"I'm guessing it didn't go as well as my talk with Danny."

Steve shook his head and shrugged, blinking like he was close to tears. 

"It's all my fault."

"Hey," Chin didn't know how bad it was yet, but instinctively he pulled Steve into a hug.

"I should have known it wouldn't be easy for her. I thought… Chin, she knew about me before we got involved. She even… encouraged me to have fun with other guys. It's… she's always been there for me, and I thought what we had was a friendship – with benefits from time to time – but I never realized what I was doing to her."

The words were issued over Chin's shoulder as they held on to each other, and Chin could sense the deep regret and the sorrow in them. He pulled back enough to study Steve's eyes again. 

"She thought there was more between you?" 

Chin thought about that night when he'd listened in to their conversation, and tried to remember what Catherine had said; if her words had suggested her understanding of their relationship was different to what Steve had told him.

Steve let go of Chin and scratched an ear, shaking his head like he still didn't quite understand how she had misconstrued their relationship so much, and then sat down in the chair Danny had recently vacated. Chin lowered himself into his own seat and offered Steve a sympathetic look.

"We've been friends a long time, and I told her up front that I… I had just broken up with my last long-term boyfriend when I met her. It was hard then, with DADT and everything. Part of the reason it didn't work, in all honesty. She was an ear and I felt comfortable with her, so… I told her everything." Steve looked up, his face a picture of confusion. " _Everything_ , Chin. She came up with this idea we should hang out, let everyone think what they wanted and… it would be good cover for me."

"And it worked a little more than you planned, I guess?"

"I guess you'd say that. I… I liked her, got to know her really well, and… before you knew it, we were… we kinda fell into things. Yet, I still didn't catch on to the fact that… as far as she saw it, we _were_ a real couple."

"It's easy enough to believe, I guess. You didn't want to risk your career; you enjoyed being with her, and if you were having sex from time to time…"

"That's just it, we weren't. Well, not that often. Cath's always been… a free agent, you know? And like I said, she's even encouraged me to… go with other men, but I never realized that she thought… if I did that, I'd get it out of my system and go back to her and be happy with our arrangement. 

"And we weren't together all the time; we had different assignments, then I went into the SEALs. It's only since we've both been back here this time around that we've really been seeing so much more of each other." 

Chin couldn't help wondering if Steve had still been sleeping with her during the period he and Chin had been coming to grips with what was between them, but wasn't sure whether now was a good time to ask, despite the bright flash of jealousy the idea caused him. "So what happened today? You set her straight?"

Steve huffed, a half-smile on his face as he met Chin's eyes. The irony of his words made Chin return the smile. He was glad that something could actually amuse Steve at the moment. "Okay, so she's already 'straight'." Chin rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean." 

"Yeah, sorry. I tried. She uh..." He paused, rubbing at his lip in that distracting way again. "She says that it's probably no more real than any other hook-up I've had in the past few years, and that she'll still be there when I realize and go looking for her." His brow furrowed again, and he bit at the inside of his lip, turning away from Chin once more. "What if she's right?"

"What?" Chin didn't get Steve's flip-flopping; it was unlike him, although Chin couldn't know if his romantic life was always this tumultuous. Maybe the strong and decisive figure Steve portrayed for others covered up an emotional fragility that few people been allowed to see before. Cath did know Steve a lot better than Chin did, after all; perhaps she'd seen him go through something like this already. "Do you believe that?" 

Steve's head spun around and he held out a hand in question. "No! At least... no, I don't think so." He didn't really look as if he had a clue.

Chin took a breath, dropping his eyes and trying to think. Steve didn't fill in the silence, and when Chin looked up again, his expression seemed no less uncertain; like he'd changed his mind from what they'd discussed so very recently and that Chin had thought was set between them at last. 

"Are you giving up on me before we even get started?"

"I..." Steve squinted up at the sky and then met Chin's eyes again. "She's caught my fall a few times, Chin. I don't want to think this is the same... but maybe I'm not..." He stopped, took a breath, letting his eyes wander away. "I'm not a good risk, anyway. Anyone will tell you that."

"Jesus, Steve, will you listen to yourself? Do you think so little of me that you think _I'd_ give up that easily? Do _you_ always give up on things so easily when they're about _your_ happiness? You sure as hell don't give up on anything anywhere else in your life nearly so quickly."

Steve shook his head, but didn't say anything, refusing to meet Chin's eyes again.

"No, you don't." Chin shifted in his chair, putting a hand on Steve’s arm. "You're the last person to give up, normally, or doesn't that extend to your relationships? Look, I'm the one you'd think would be having doubts. From what you've told me, being with a man is more usual for you, so it can't be about that. If you're only used to having one night stands or flings that don't last more than a few weeks… is that what this is about? Or is it that you've never allowed yourself not to have Cath as your crutch when things fall apart?"

Steve raised his eyes sharply, an angry frown replacing the uncertainty. "She's my _friend_. I never used her as a crutch!"

"Didn't you?"

"Fuck." The word was said in a low tone, and then Steve swallowed hard, reaching for Chin's hand still on his arm and pressing it into his own muscle, before they both let go. "She's always been there for me. I did fuck things up, didn't I? I let her believe... and maybe I wanted that. Christ knows, it's easier letting people think – letting her think – we had something more... maybe I even wanted to believe it."

Chin kept his voice soft so Steve wouldn't think he was judging Catherine badly. "Do you really think it's just about you doing it to her? Don't you think it's just a little bit possible that she's been imagining things too? I don't know, Steve – you know her better than I do, but… maybe she's…" He hesitated to say _in love with you_. "Maybe she _wanted_ it to be true, so she believed there was more than there was." 

Steve shrugged, sadness filling his eyes.

"I suppose the questions you need to ask yourself are these, Steve: How much do you love her, and how different do you feel about this from the previous times you've been with a man? How do you feel about being involved with _me_?"

Steve met Chin's eyes again, his expression determined at last. "I need to stop the bullshit. You were right when you said I don't give things up easily. Why should this be different, just because..." He stared at Chin, blinking his long eyelashes like he didn't know how to end the sentence.

"Because you're scared?" 

Steve blinked a couple more times but didn't answer. 

"You're allowed to be scared, Steve. Relationships are crazy and difficult and take time to work out! You don't think I'm scared? I have no idea where this is leading, but... you apply the 'feel the fear but do it anyway' mentality most of the time with everything else – or at least I assume you're not actually that crazy that you don't feel the fear? But this... _this_? Is it really so much harder than all the physical situations you throw yourself into with little thought for how much hospital treatment you're going to need?" Chin let a grin quirk up one side of his mouth. "Is it?"

Steve looked even more confused as he shook his head slightly, but then he smiled, looking halfway between tears and laughter. "It's way harder! But… you're right. I should man-up and give this…" He paused as he gestured between them. "Give it a real chance, not run away before I get hurt… or worse still, hurt _you_."

Chin moved close enough to kiss Steve. He reached a hand up to Steve's face and ran it along his jaw, smiling into his eyes. It was too soon to call this love, but the swelling feeling in Chin's chest surely felt a lot like it. 

"A chance is all I ask, hoaaloha."

The kiss that followed felt as sure as anything Chin could remember; Steve's touch was a lot more confident than his words had managed to be, and it was reassuring that no matter how things went with them emotionally, there was never any doubt about their physical tie.

It seemed like the right time to confirm that Chin had little doubt himself and as the kiss deepened and gathered heat, he stood them up and backed towards the house, leading Steve inside. By the time they released each other in the kitchen, they were both panting and the glittering desire growing in Steve's eyes lacked even the slightest question about their connection. 

"Let's go to bed," Steve suggested, his voice low with desire.

It was all Chin could do to nod before Steve was pushing him toward the bedroom.

~//~


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is still brooding over the situation with Catherine; Chin thinks inviting her to dinner to talk might be a good idea.

"Maybe we should invite her to dinner with us one night?" Chin was propped up on an elbow in Steve's bed, on his side facing Steve, who was on his back and perusing the ceiling.

It was a few days after Steve had told Catherine how things stood with him and Chin. Steve had been avoiding her since their last conversation, but he was obviously uneasy with how he'd left things. Chin knew they had to work things out so Steve would stop brooding and blaming himself.

Steve finally dragged his eyes off the ceiling and offered Chin a cautious look. "You think she'd understand better if she sees us together?"

"Maybe," Chin replied. "It couldn't do any harm, could it? The thing is, Steve, she seems like a sensible person – not someone you'd expect to completely misread what's in front of her eyes, although... " He gave a half-shrug, and put a warm hand on Steve's nearest arm, letting his thumb graze back and forth against the skin under it. "Sometimes the most intelligent people can fool themselves into believing things that aren't true."

Steve gave a half-smile and rolled to face him, taking Chin's hand with his own as he shifted his other arm out from under the tickle of Chin's thumb. 

"Is that a dig at me?" He threaded their fingers together and brought Chin's hand up towards his mouth and kissed the back of it.

Chin shook his head lightly. "No, just a general observation. Would you agree to meet her at my place? I could cook, unless you'd prefer a restaurant?"

"Neutral ground?" Steve shifted their hands again, letting go of Chin's in order to move closer. He kissed Chin's lips softly before he could answer, and ran a hand lightly down Chin's naked flank, causing a shiver to run through him.

It was hard to think rationally when Steve was touching him like this. 

"What do you think?" he managed, his voice already sounding far too rough.

"I think it's a good idea. We'll distract her with food." Steve kissed Chin again, more deeply this time, as his hand curved around Chin's ass, pressing their rapidly heating groins together.

Chin's breath was short by the time he was able to pull away enough to answer. "I'm not sure distracting her's the answer, but things always go better over a good meal, my Uncle Hino always says."

"A wise man."

And then Steve made him forget all about words and food and everything else, except for the sensations he was sending through Chin's body.

~//~

"Catherine. Come in; dinner's almost ready." Chin stepped back from the door, gesturing her inside and flicking a look to where Steve was standing with a bottle of wine in his hand at the door to the kitchen.

Catherine smiled her thanks at Chin and moved across to Steve. "You pouring me some of that or is it just for show?"

She seemed her usual calm and collected self; not as if anything between Chin and Steve was bothering or upsetting her at all. Steve looked more nervous, in fact, but he kissed Catherine on the cheek and murmured something which Chin thought could have been 'sorry' before backing into the kitchen in search of wine glasses.

"We're eating on the lanai," Chin told Catherine as he led her to the table outside. "Come and have a seat. I'll serve the food and bring it through." Offering her what he hoped was a relaxed smile, he turned to go back inside just as Steve stepped outside with three glasses of wine in his hands.

"Thank you." Chin nodded encouragingly as he took the glass Steve held out for him, and left them to it. He took a gulp of wine on his way to the kitchen and prayed Steve would find something sensible to say to Catherine while he was gone.

By the time he returned with food on plates, Steve and Catherine were sitting opposite one another at the table he'd laid earlier, and Catherine was laughing softly. 

"And he was so convinced we'd had a threesome..." She stopped talking and gave Chin a look that made him wonder if the topic was a deliberate attempt to get a reaction from him.

"Uh..." Steve sat up straighter in his chair, looking guilty. "It isn't what it sounds like. The thing is..."

Chin shook his head, waving off the explanation and placed a plate in front of Catherine, smiling straight into her eyes. The last thing he needed was to make her think he was in any way worried; if she believed he was insecure and she could pry Steve away from him – _if_ that was her intention – any insincere politeness would give her ammunition. 

But Chin wasn't entirely convinced she wanted anything more than Steve's happiness. Maybe she genuinely believed he'd get that with her, but perhaps it was only that she thought Steve hadn't found the right _man_ , and was just trying to protect him.

He set the other plate down in front of Steve, disappearing again momentarily to collect his own dinner and wine, before sliding into his seat and gesturing for them to begin eating.

"This looks wonderful, Chin. Thank you." Catherine's smile was open enough to make Chin consider that maybe the second part of his ponderings was the more correct.

"You may want to try it before you compliment me." He shot a reassuring look at Steve before offering Catherine another easy smile.

"Don't let him fool you, Cath. He's a very good cook and he's been feeding me well... when we've had the time," Steve interjected comfortably enough that Chin couldn't help giving him a fond look.

Cath looked from Steve to Chin and back again, then dropped her eyes to her meal and picked up her cutlery. 

"Well, the proof's in the pudding, they say." She took a delicate bite and made an appreciative noise. "It's delicious."

Steve and Chin nodded at each other and began eating too.

Strangely, the three of them made comfortable small talk over the food; it seemed they'd made an unspoken agreement not to discuss anything serious until the food was gone.

And it was Catherine that brought it up in the end, as she laid her cutlery down and picked up her wine glass to sip at the remaining liquid thoughtfully. 

"I think I know why you invited me."

"You do?" Steve asked, a touch of fear in his eyes as he looked at her in surprise.

"Steve, we've known each other a long time. I... I thought we had something... special." She gave Chin a cautious look, but continued when he didn't speak. "I've always known about you and other... men. I know you never hid it from me. But – and I guess it didn't matter so much with any of the others – you've never invited me to eat with one of your... male friends… before. And I... I see the way you are together; and you haven't even suggested..." 

She stopped, blinking a couple of times and frowning like she was having difficulty holding it together. "I was wrong about you – about _us_. I guess I just wanted to believe it because... I've always... I care a lot about you, Steve, and I hoped maybe... anyway, it doesn't matter. Thank you for dinner, Chin; it was wonderful. I should go now."

She rose to her feet quickly and Steve and Chin, both in obvious shock about her sudden change of heart, stood too.

"I'm sorry," Steve said, moving towards her, pain written as deeply across his handsome features as it was in Catherine's expression.

"Don't be," she said, backing into the house, looking so close to tears that Chin's heart tightened in his chest. "It's my own fault."

She'd always been there for Steve. No matter how badly she'd misread things with him, she didn't deserve the hurt they'd unintentionally caused her. 

"Wait," Chin said, giving Steve the 'stay here' eyes, as he followed her inside. He caught up to her before she opened the front door, though she kept her back turned. "Catherine, please. We invited you here so we could explain things properly. It wasn't our intention to hurt you, please believe that?"

"I know that, Chin. You win, okay? Let's leave it at that."

Chin moved closer, putting his hands on her shoulders. There was stiffness in them; she appeared to be holding onto her self-control by the barest thread. He turned her slowly, and to his surprise she didn’t resist. 

"Cath, it isn't about winning. I don't feel any kind of victory in this." He studied the pain in her deep brown eyes. There was more than a little shame in them too. "Steve is more than just your friend, I get that. I love him, and I want to be with him as much as he wants to be with me, but I'll never be a part of the shared experiences – or the love – you two have that makes your friendship so strong. It's a different kind of love, that's all. I wouldn't want to change what you have together.

"And it was wrong for him to do what he did to you, but you knew this was a possibility from the start. You allowed it as much as he did. But this isn't about blame either. Your friendship's _real_ , no matter what else isn't. It's killing him that it may have ended over this. Please think about that before you blow all those years away?"

Catherine, to give her credit, listened to Chin's speech without interrupting. No wonder Steve cared for her so much. At the end, she nodded, blinking back the tears that were much closer to the surface now.

"I can see what Steve sees in you," she finally said, her voice quiet. "I never saw any of those other guys as any kind of threat to what he and I had, but… you… you deserve something more, and…" She wiped moisture from the corner of one eye, taking a breath. "So does Steve. And I need to face reality. Thank you, Chin. You're right; I shouldn't end our friendship over this, but I need a little time, okay?"

"You're entitled to that," he told her, reaching for Catherine's hands and squeezing them lightly when she allowed him to take them. "And it's probably too much to ask that you might… consider me a friend too, right now, but I hope you will, eventually?"

Cath nodded, smiling at him, but didn't seem able to answer.

"Steve is incredibly lucky to have you in his life, Cath. I mean that."

"I know you do." Her voice sounded shaky, and Chin was fairly sure she would be heading home to let her tears run freely, but that she'd get past this in time. "And… he's lucky to have you too," she whispered, pulling away at last and opening the door. "Aloha, Chin."

"Aloha, Catherine."

Catherine didn't look back as Chin watched her walk to her car. As her car pulled away, Steve appeared at Chin's shoulder. Closing the door, Chin turned to Steve, registering the deep emotion in his lover's eyes.

"How much of that did you hear?"

"Most of it," Steve confirmed, pulling Chin close. "You're amazing; did anyone ever tell you that?"

Chin didn't really know how to answer, so he kissed Steve instead.

"She'll be okay, and… that's mostly thanks to you, not because of anything I did tonight. You knew exactly what to say; I couldn't have expressed all that. Thank you." Steve kissed him back, deepening it when Chin shifted closer.

"Help me clean up the dinner dishes?" Chin asked when they parted this time. "Then maybe you can thank me properly."

"Sure. It's the least I can do." As they headed towards the kitchen, Steve spoke again. "And Chin?"

Chin paused and looked back over his shoulder. "Yeah?"

"I heard you tell her that you love me."

"You heard that?" Chin turned away, heart thumping in embarrassment. He shouldn't have made that declaration to _Catherine_ , and not nearly so soon. He kept his eyes averted and started gathering plates to put in the dishwasher.

"I know it hasn't been long, Chin, but…" 

Steve paused just long enough to make Chin wonder where he was going with this. He couldn't help himself; he had to look at Steve. The expression in his eyes was way beyond what Chin had expected. 

Steve's lips moved, but no words came out. Chin frowned at him, confused. 

Clearing his throat, Steve spoke clearly this time, not a trace of doubt in the words. "I love you too."

Chin abandoned the dishwasher, too overcome to answer. He moved into Steve's arms once more and held on tight. 

Maybe Danny and Catherine would both take a little time to come to terms with Steve and Chin finding love in each other, but there was no uncertainty for the two of them, not now. Chin was convinced that the hurdles that existed in the minds of their friends about their relationship were not insurmountable, and with the proof of that in front of their eyes on a regular basis, they would see that too, and cease to let those thoughts matter.

And, as far as he could see it, maybe this difficult time would only make all their friendships stronger.

"I love you," Chin repeated after some moments, telling Steve what he'd probably needed to hear for far too long.

"Let's forget the dishes for now, huh?" Steve asked, his hands cupping Chin's face. "I think they'll wait."

"Yeah, and I think we have a bed to christen." They hadn't used it to make love in the end last time; the couch had seemed safer – and later, the shower – though of course they'd slept there.

Steve's eyes widened slightly. "You sure?"

"I think Malia would approve."

In fact, Chin was certain that if she was watching them right now she'd not only approve, she'd expect it. 

And at last, after far too much worrying that he was being disloyal to Malia's memory, he realized it was exactly what she would have wanted for him: to find love, no matter in what form it took. 

~//~//~

END

**Author's Note:**

> And now it is done. This fic was hanging around for a long time, so it's good to have it finished and posted. Thanks to everyone who has read it, especially those who kudoed and commented! ;-)


End file.
